Saturday, March 26, 2011

The positive

What do I like about Mothering and what do I do well?
I love seeing them grow and change. I love the fact that the older two can now open jars for me or reach the top shelf. I love seeing their sense of humor, their friendships, their lives open up and take directions mine never did. Sometimes that is bittersweet. They have opportunities different than mine, but I wish they could have some of mine as well - some of the simpler, less restrictive ones. Like being able to go talk to your teachers before school.
I love when they text me. Or write me little comments on the church bulletin.
I love how they humble me - that again and again I am reminded that they are not me, this is not my childhood, and they get to make their own mistakes.
I love to play games with them, the kind that don't involve a tv or computer. Although I am always amazed at how much better they are with my iphone games. sigh.
I truly *like* my kids. I think that shows in their willingness to share with me, that even the 16 year old still says "Love you mom" in public.
When they were younger, I really liked doing messy projects with them. Not everyone does, but I loved the playdoh and the paints and the crayons. The science experiments and the art projects.
I have found, lately, I am seeing a need to reconnect a little bit. We are all so busy, and the computer and tv and video games are such a draw. But I can't give in to that, I need to be purposeful in my connections.
They drive me batty occasionally, but I think any mother who says "I have perfect kids, we are the perfect family" is delusional or psychotic. We argue, I occasionally yell, we mope, we fuss, but we always come back together. We tell the boys when they fight, look, you can fight, but remember, no one else knows you as well as your brothers. Stick together.
I hope they remember that as they get older. That you must stick together.
I have my flaws, and I have a temper. But showing them that, and showing them how to argue fairly, is not a bad thing I think. I don't want to be seen as perfect, just as someone who loved them perfections, imperfections, and all.
They look quite a bit alike. And they all share some basic character traits. But their personalities and actions are each unique. Some days one child may be closer to me than another. The youngest is still in a different stage of life, the middle is in the throes of early teenagerdom, and the oldest is trying to find his way. I don't love any of them more than the other. Some days I enjoy one more than the other, some hours even. But it all evens out in the end. Some days they like Dad more than me :)
There is no "golden child" in this family. Each child is allowed their differences and loved for them. Some of the differences we wish were different :) but all in all , they are wonderful kids. THis mothering gig? Hard as all get out, but wonderful. I cannot imagine my life without my kids.
ALthough I would like to imagine that someone else in this house can hear the dogs needing in and out, and understanding that the laundry fairy is not going to come!

No comments: