Spring Fever

My kids has it.
Oh, to be honest, so do I. I am tired of laundry, of cooking, of meal and life planning. I'm especially tired of the "Oh. We're having (fill in the blank) for dinner? huh. I had that for lunch OR "I don't really like that". And this is from the HUSBAND. Who should know better.
Spring break is next week. Of course, I don't have the whole week off, because psychiatrists can't really just take a week off. But we are taking a few days, each of us in the office.
I'm also, and apologies to anyone out there who feels differently, tired of the pressure that I have to worry about the 6th grader's class schedule in light of COLLEGE. Last I looked, it was a few years till he graduates. And really. I don't care if he's not in the hardest possible classes in middle school. Yes, in high school, we will make sure he is in upper levels, but really. Why, all of the sudden, does EVERYONE have to be in AP EVERYTHING in order to make it in to college? OR perhaps, those around me are more selective in their college choices. Or you could substitute snobby for selective but that wouldn't be kind. I just want my kids to go to college where they will learn, grow, and find their passion. Oh, and not rack up a gazillion dollars in debt. Now, the 8th grader? We are making sure he is in the college prep courses he needs for 9th grade, but I'm not worrying about the 6th grader yet. I refuse.
And the rising senior? Not taking AP. Not ready for it. Hopefully we haven't screwed it up, but from what the colleges say, not the people in my local area, that's okay. It's the overall picture they want. Now, one of them may not be real, but if he's not ready for AP, why in the world would I force him into it? It's not my life, it is HIS. and if that means a year or two at a local college with small classes, I'm good with that.
Personally, I have three more classes to take with eChristian ed to finish paraprofessional certification. What I'm supposed to do with that, I have no idea. I figure God lead me to it, God will show me what I'm supposed to do next. Even if that is to just tuck it away for a year or two. I'm not called to seminary. I'm not called to ordination. Got that message loud and clear. But the rest of it is a bit fuzzy....
The trees and flowers are blooming their little heads off. So beautiful, so cheerful, so full of POLLEN. Trying to appreciate it and breathe at the same time. This fall? I am so planting daffodills and tulips.
I feel the need to do something creative again, but finding the time is a little tricky.
Had middle kid's 504 meeting yesterday - went really well. The guidance counselor said something along the lines of "How are you doing all this (homework support, appointments, etc) and working too?" I replied that I had no idea. But I do. I don't sleep a lot, I don't usually waste a lot of time (ignore this week please) and I dont' take a lot of time for creative expression. And I am feeeling the effects now.
My mother's birthday is coming up. I so miss her. We will get a double whammy too. Well, maybe even a triple some years. She died on Good Friday, so there's that reminder. Then the actual date of her death. And then her birthday which this year, falls right before the start of Holy Week. I guess it is no wonder that tears lurk just beneath.
Okay, can't end on that note. Report cards came out this week. Oldest child managed NOT to fail anything, to our pleasant suprise. Middle child was all B's and C's - YEAH!!!!! and Youngest child was all A's and B's!!!!!
And I spent a few minutes last night reading our dictionary. Okay, it is one of those wonking HUGE ones that has to be 8 inches thick. It has maps, and foreign language dictionaries, and list of world events, and every word around in 1967. And great little line drawing illustrations...I'm such a geek :)

Girls who read

Thank you to Mrs. G over at Derfwad Manor for the link...

Confrontation and attitudes

So, I don't like confrontation. Direct confrontation. I'd rather do it via letter or email. Mostly because when I get really mad about something, I cry. Then, I get even more angry because I'm crying, so I ....cry more!
Because nothing says "take me seriously" like tears, right? As DH was saying yesterday, "Don't get so emotional!" I looked at him, and said "where the heck have you been for 20 some years? I'm emotional. Always have been!"
The confrontation is not with him, by the way. It's with a member of my church's staff who is pushing an agenda that I think is wrong both on a theological and practical level. And he's a condescending person who has the attitude of males outrank females somehow....doesn't sit well with me.
So, because yesterday I had neither time, place or opportunity to finish the issue with him, I have to find time this week to do it. DH thinks I need to do it face to face. He's probably right, but finding the time to do so may be a little tricky, methinks.
I just don't like attitudes of "I'm better than you because I'm male". or the reverse, too. We're all in this together. My attitude of someone's abilities is pretty much based on their actions and their attitudes, and this guy is failing both.

Huh

Apparently WHOOPING COUGH is going around the elementary schools here....
Pneumonia is hitting people hard as well. Co worker out sick, husband and two kids of hers have pneumonia and maybe something else as well?

I'm going to fumigate the whole city with Lysol.
Bleh.

Not the world's most exciting post

I figure I may as well be honest about it :)
Middle kid is finishing up a project on Rene Magritte. The guy who painted the people with apples in their faces, but also the businessmen falling from the sky like rain...that I SWEAR some band used on some album...but maybe I'm imagining things.
Oldest kid is finishing up a project on Shelley, the poet. He did really badly on the paper, so he's hoping to do better on the presentation. I'm going to Sylvan today to look into their writing programs. He really needs some help there.
Youngest Kid? Just made 2nd class scout, elected patrol leader, and is developing the teen reluctance to do homework. I keep having to remind him that attitude is not an option when you ASK your mother for help.
I actually left work early yesterday - I swear I felt like I was coming down with the flu. But i'm better today.
I think the dogs are trying to tell me something. One is laying on the apple power cord thingy - it's a box that you attach the extension cord onto- and it always is very warm. Maybe they are  a bit cold. I've decided the boys can walk them later...it's cold, gray, and I'm still a bit eh.
OH! Forgot to say that I actually won a contest from a blog.  I'm amazed. And one of my favorite (and one I've read the longest) blogs too - www.notesfromthetrenches.com You should go and read here there, and over at AlphaMom. Oh, but don't read her if all you want is sunshine and perfect children. She is delightfully real.

This and that

Not much blogging lately as not much to blog ABOUT. Not that ever stopped me before. Oldest got his DL over Christmas break, but hasn't been doing much driving - just not a lot of opportunity for him TO drive before 6pm. When he turns 17, he'll be unrestricted, which will be nice.
Father in Law starts chemo next week, so prayers are always welcomed.
I have to give a two hour seminar on children's ministries for our district lay leadership training on Sunday. Guess what I'm planning today???
I know the bare bones but have to get it all organized.
Oldest is not doing as well as he should in English. Going to try Sylvan or something.
Went and visited a college last Friday with him, he had a good time and liked the one we went to see.

I'm a little off kilter these days, trying to figure out why.

Happy New Year

May 2012 be a year of peace, joy, love and comfort - rest if that is needed, energy if that is needed, both if both are needed.
May you live 2012 intentionally, kindly, lovingly, and *fully*.
Happy New Year.

My dogs do not share well

I'm sitting here in my kitchen, about to clean up from dinner and the dogs have been given their own chew bone. However Jack, the more dominant one, will NOT leave Harvey alone. Good gravy, it's like two toddlers. He finally got the point and has gone into the other room with his.

This is officially the Christmas of 'Give Ourselves a Break". It is a hard Christmas for me. My FIL's news was good though, he is going to have surgery and chemo and the doctors are hopeful.
Still, it's hard for me. Tears at odd times.

Our oldest may be getting his driver's license next week, yikes!

Sorry. Not much on the writing front these days. May your Christmas be blessed, and if you do or  don't celebrate Christmas, I wish you peace, joy and love. And may 2012 be a good year for all.

Advent

Advent is one of my favorite seasons of the church year. I adore the hymns, the preparations, the entire thing. This year, I already knew that the hope of Advent would be something I would be clinging to. Now I find I'm clinging to it even more. My FIL has been diagnosed with mesothiloma ( I don't htink I"m spelling this right, but i'm in a hurry) around his heart and in his lungs. Not Good. So, for the second time in just a few years, I got to tell my children their grandparent is dying.

It is helpful to know certain things about yourself. 

I know these things:

Crowded stores and I no longer get along. They make me antsy. and grouchy. and make me want to run home. This should make Christmas shopping interesting this year.
Live music, when containing guitars and drums, and played loudly, gives me a headache and a case of spiritual grumpiness :)
I sincerely and utterly dislike hearing music playing while people are praying. Pick one or the other.
I have to have time alone to regenerate.
I have an addiction to books. I'd have an addiction to shoes, but I have such trouble finding ones I *like* (and that aren't 995 bucks. Who pays that for a pair of shoes???) (and why do I have to have such big calves???)
I have never been a good housekeeper. Ever. Don't really like it, although I like the results. Flylady works for me, but only when I am faithful to it :)
I am, however, pretty good at being a mom, a helpmate to the DH, a friend, and I can write a paper on just about anything. Oh, I also make some really yummy chocolate chip cookies. And brownies. And I made a potroast in the crock pot last week that was YUMMY.
I love learning - I love thinking about things - But I'm not a really deep, deep thinker on many things. I'm more of a practical thinker I guess, with a little whimsy thrown in. And my thoughts? Run the line from one end to the other.
I can knit some killer rectangles :)
I have two dogs who think every squirrel must.be.destroyed. I think the two dogs are missing a few nuts and bolts.

And the last one for today? I am going to be late to work :) 

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army
In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

House Repairs

Well, Mom's house is going to need a new roof. And new gutters, probably. And some minor mold issue stuff.
Our cabin we own needs a new floor and chimney repairs, a new mattress for the bed, and a tree removed.
The house we own in another part of the country needs serious cleaning, carpet repair, and a new tenant.

The house we are living in? Needed some things that were wants, not needs, so I guess they get to wait another year.

Work still busy. Update at 11.

That about sums it up. Work is busy, busy, busy.
I'm replanting some flowers the charming goats dogs ate. Who knew dogs liked rosemary. And lavender.
I'm awfully glad it is Friday.
I want a day where I don't have to go anywhere or do anything but focus on the things I need to get done. No outside emergencies, no outside tasks. Just my stuff. Pretty selfish, except that most of my "stuff" involves doing things for other people.

A Busy Week

This week the office where I work went over to electronic medical records. Well, we kinda did. It was the week we had the trainers here all week. Long days, lots of brain power required. I was exhausted.

This weekend, two of the three kids are on camping trips/retreats. So we took middle kid last night and went to the local fun park - went goKarting (Not my thing, but I tried it once. I'm sure I provided ample amusement for the workers - white knuckle driving the whole time. Actually, I hated every second of it and it took all my grown-up pride not to stop the cart, get out and say "I"m done!") and played putt putt golf (And I got THREE hole-in-ones) and then the DH and the boy rode the Karts again. Finished off with a trip to Sonic for slushies. Boy said 'That was a great night!" We don't get to hear that too often, so I was over.the.moon. PLUS he agreed to go with me today to a farmers market.

I have heavy things on my heart, but just ask that if you pray, pray for families that need physical healing, for ones that need emotional healing, and for all of us to grow more loving in our responses.

Matthew 5:44-45

New International Version (NIV)

⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.




But oh, how I wish I could make the rain go away for a dear friend and her family. 


But I also know that NOTHING can take the Love of God away from us. We may fail, but God never does. 

House for sale

My mother's house has a sign out in front. The kind of sign that says "For Sale".
I can't seem to catch my breath when I think about it. I can't seem to swallow, I can't seem to keep the tears from falling.
I want to scream.



*Note to say, that intellectually, I know it is just a house. I know it has to be done. My siblings have worked so hard at getting it ready and i'm grateful to them.*

The text this morning at church will be Matthew 5:38-48. If someone strikes you, turn the other cheek...if they say go one mile, go the other as well.
Praying for peace, peace in the world but also peace in our hearts. For without one, can there ever be the other?

Still here

Life just got really, really busy.
Let's see, school has started, no major mishaps yet, but of course homework forgotten, quizzes bombed because they didn't study, and so on.
Work is slam busy, but it's good. I'm working three basically full time days a week.
We transition over to electronic medical records in October, which will either be terrific, or hell, or both.
I'm betting on both.
Dogs are HUGE and vary between sweet and a pain in the butt. Currently they are barking at some unknown threat (my vote is on a squirrel) in the yard. I lied. Jack just came in to see what I was doing, and if I had any food I'd care to share. Tough luck pup, not sharing my lunch. Edited to add that I'm tired of people in my neighborhood not keeping their dogs in their yards. Two collies and one Husky ( Maybe a cross but had super icy blue eyes) while i"m trying to walk two boxer/hound mixes who are still really puppies was NOT fun. Grr.
I'm taking another class in the online Christian ed series I've been doing. And as I have turned in the first assignment three days late, I"m wondering if perhaps I'm not supposed to be doing this. But the program is no longer going to be hosted by the peeps hosting it now, and if I don't take it now I don't know WHEN I'll be able to do it online again. But my question is "Am I supposed to be taking it at all?"
I am wondering if a call can be revoked. Or if it is just in hibernation until other stuff (like grief) gets worked out?
The grief, it is still there. It comes in waves and it goes in waves. It is for my mother, but also for my father who has been gone 20 years. Apparently I thought I grieved it all the way through with him. But I didn't - and so now I have a double whammy.
Our church hired a new Director of Christian Ed. He's from a non Methodist background, but willing to learn and to grow. He seems very nice, willing to listen to my crazy ideas, and has taken a large portion of tweens off of my plate. Early days yet.
So, hope all of you are well and happy. I'm still in awe of a little boy I know (OKAY, he's not little any more) growing up and getting married. Sheesh. Wasn't I just giving him fake bugs as a gift???

One of my favorite blogs that I read, http://handmadehomeschool.wordpress.com/  talks often about living purposefully and thoughtfully. She often sets goals for herself, but doesn't seem to beat herself up if she doesn't reach them. 
Purposeful living is something that I am occasionally good at, but mostly I feel like I am running a day late and a dollar short. Especially lately. 
I think I want to try to set some goals, nothing huge but still some things to keep my mind and soul focused on life, not just day to day tasks. 

I am still mulling over this, but I do know I want to:

1. Be more consistent about devotional and prayer time. Pray a lot, but I am wondering if my ADD prayers might not be the most effective way for ME to pray. Maybe they are. 

2. Devote some time every day to Bible Study- Reading- learning about things that aren't usually in my line of sight. Also this ties into work learning - I have a need to learn some specific things, and I need to set time to do that.

3. Learn how to knit socks. I have wanted to do this for over a year. My goal might be to knit a pair of socks before New Years. Or at least start a pair. That's probably more realistic.

4. Plan out menus and shopping so that my time is not wasted frantically thinking of what has to be done

5. Restart Flylady - not full blown, just her basic principals. Really helped me years ago, and I think I need to just jump in and do it again.

6. Plan things with the kids, and DH to make some structured family time or at least some more memories to add to the mix! 

I have so much wasted space in my day. Not down time, not quiet time, just wasted space. I want to take that down time and make it into something that is enriching, not just time wasting! 

What are your goals? What do you want to do?

Replying

One thing that we really work on with my middle kid is acknowledgement that someone has spoken to you. Oh, heck, we work on that with all 3 of them. And occasionally DH. But telling someone that they have been heard is a powerful thing, regardless of the subject. A household chore, a life crisis, a sad event, a happy event, we all want to hear that we have something to say and that it *has been heard*.
On a less grand level, it drives me crazy to say something to the above mentioned child and get no response. We're starting to institute the 15 pushups rule. Don't acknowledge me? 15 pushups.
Worked for them remembering to turn off lights!!! And for occasional lapses in manners.
If I could do it with the dogs, I surely would. They ran off yesterday (tripped, dropped leashes, dogs went AWOL) and 15 minutes later I finally caught up with them again. Ok, so it wasn't 15, but it was a good 10 and many trips into the creek later. I sometimes wish we had bought land like we originally intended to, so they could just run to their heart's content. Oh well.
On a totally unrelated note, I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the wedding present I bought. I am SO excited about it - handmade pottery that is dishwasher safe. Plus I'll get them something else, like a gift card. And I'm sticking in some homemade knitted dishcloths. It's the first kid of my friends to get married. I remember when he was born. Shoot, I remember when his older brother was born!!!!